Once again the holiday season is upon us and if you are like me, you waited too long to begin shopping for your for your college kids . I have two boys enrolled in institutions of higher learning and since they weren’t around the house I didn’t really think about what I was getting them. That is I didn’t think about it until they arrived home for break.
In my case, its hard to shop for the boys because they have it all and want for nothing; that is nothing except for a path to graduation or a job.
My wife tells me that despite spending a little small fortune on the kids’ tuition, room, board, cars, entertainment, study abroad and vacations, it just isn’t right to economize by skipping the holiday gift giving season. She says it will send the wrong message about how we feel about them.
So, after deciding that we had to give more, we realized we didn’t have a clue as to what to get our two aspiring Nobel Prize winners. After much personal deliberation and several sleepless nights I decided to do what I do best and ask for advice while playing dumb.
I turned to our company’s recent college graduates and interns and asked for gift recommendations. My team’s research was exhaustive but mostly based upon personal experience. If nothing else, I learned a lot about our staff what is important to them as aspiring young adults.
Their suggestions, comments and warnings are below.
My team voted this the #1 dorm gift for the kids of all ages and sexes. With just the touch of a button, Santa Claus pees out mixed drinks. What parent wouldn’t want to get that for their underage kid? But, be careful; I was warned that this gift isn’t complete as shipped and can be complicated for college students to figure out. To work correctly, it requires installation of two AA batteries and needs liquids that Santa can pee out. Instructions are fortunately included.
We all know that college food is both tasteless and unsafe. Why not help your kids keep up their strength by combining two of their favorite comfort foods, salt and bacon, in one easy to use seasoning. It can’t make dorm food taste worse and is both vegetarian and kosher.
If your son lives off campus, a long commute can kill his motivation to attend class. Stacey takes care of this problem by using the car’s natural motion to provide a real live artificial pole dance. If nothing else, Stacey will keep your boy in college by every day reminding him why he enrolled in the first place, e.g., to meet girls. The kids in my office warned me to be careful because there are on line merchants that sell bogus pole dancing dashboard ornaments. Stick with the original Stacey and don’t be fooled by cheap substitutes.
This is an educational gift that is a must have for finance and accounting majors who want to work in the hedge fund industry. Also, your kids might learn that making money is hard work and maybe they will appreciate their tuition checks a little more. The Money Printing Kit is also a winner for students that aspire for a career in public service at the U.S. Treasury, Mint, and Federal Reserve or want to be Members of Congress. Your child will learn how to print unlimited amounts of money without feeling one bit of guilt or remorse.
No, the toilette paper isn’t really made up of $100 bills.
But, frankly given last semester’s grades it might as well have been.
My younger son tells me it’s hard to sneak liquids into college football games. But with the Beer Belly problem solved!! Your kid will be the life of the party since the Beer Belly stores enough mixed drinks to pollute an entire fraternity pledge class and their dates. Of course, this gift doesn’t really work well if your son or daughter already put on the “freshman 40” and has a real beer belly.
Happy Holidays and happy shopping.