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Six Last Minute Gifts For College Kids

Once again the hol­i­day sea­son is upon us and if you are like me, you waited too long to begin shop­ping for your for your col­lege kids .  I have two boys enrolled in insti­tu­tions of higher learn­ing and since they weren’t around the house I didn’t really think about what I was get­ting them.  That is I didn’t think about it until they arrived home for break.

In my case, its hard to shop for the boys because they have it all and want for noth­ing; that is noth­ing except for a path to grad­u­a­tion or a job.

My wife tells me that despite spend­ing a lit­tle small for­tune on the kids’ tuition, room, board, cars, enter­tain­ment, study abroad and vaca­tions, it just isn’t right to econ­o­mize by skip­ping the hol­i­day gift giv­ing sea­son.  She says it will send the wrong mes­sage about how we feel about them.

So, after decid­ing that we had to give more, we real­ized we didn’t have a clue as to what to get our two aspir­ing Nobel Prize win­ners.  After much per­sonal delib­er­a­tion and sev­eral sleep­less nights I decided to do what I do best and ask for advice while play­ing dumb.

I turned to our company’s recent col­lege grad­u­ates and interns and asked for gift rec­om­men­da­tions.  My team’s research was exhaus­tive but mostly based upon per­sonal expe­ri­ence.  If noth­ing else, I learned a lot about our staff what is impor­tant to them as aspir­ing young adults.

Their sug­ges­tions, com­ments and warn­ings are below.

Pee­ing Santa Claus Drink Dispenser

My team voted this the #1 dorm gift for the kids of all ages and sexes.  With just the touch of a but­ton, Santa Claus pees out mixed drinks.  What par­ent wouldn’t want to get that for their under­age kid?  But, be care­ful; I was warned that this gift isn’t com­plete as shipped and can be com­pli­cated for col­lege stu­dents to fig­ure out.  To work cor­rectly, it requires instal­la­tion of two AA bat­ter­ies and needs liq­uids that Santa can pee out.  Instruc­tions are for­tu­nately included.


Bacon Salt

We all know that col­lege food is both taste­less and unsafe.  Why not help your kids keep up their strength by com­bin­ing two of their favorite com­fort foods, salt and bacon, in one easy to use sea­son­ing.  It can’t make dorm food taste worse and is both veg­e­tar­ian and kosher.

Stacy the Dash­board Pole Dancer

If your son lives off cam­pus, a long com­mute can kill his moti­va­tion to attend class.  Stacey takes care of this prob­lem by using the car’s nat­ural motion to pro­vide a real live arti­fi­cial pole dance.  If noth­ing else, Stacey will keep your boy in col­lege by every day remind­ing him why he enrolled in the first place, e.g., to meet girls.  The kids in my office warned me to be care­ful because there are on line mer­chants that sell bogus pole danc­ing dash­board orna­ments.  Stick with the orig­i­nal Stacey and don’t be fooled by cheap substitutes.


Make Money – Money Print­ing Kit

This is an edu­ca­tional gift that is a must have for finance and account­ing majors who want to work in the hedge fund indus­try.  Also, your kids might learn that mak­ing money is hard work and maybe they will appre­ci­ate their tuition checks a lit­tle more.  The Money Print­ing Kit is also a win­ner for stu­dents that aspire for a career in pub­lic ser­vice at the U.S. Trea­sury, Mint, and Fed­eral Reserve or want to be Mem­bers of Con­gress.  Your child will learn how to print unlim­ited amounts of money with­out feel­ing one bit of guilt or remorse.

$100 Bill Toi­lette Paper

No, the toi­lette paper isn’t really made up of $100 bills.

But, frankly given last semester’s grades it might as well have been.



The Beer Belly

My younger son tells me it’s hard to sneak liq­uids into col­lege foot­ball games.  But with the Beer Belly prob­lem solved!!  Your kid will be the life of the party since the Beer Belly stores enough mixed drinks to pol­lute an entire fra­ter­nity pledge class and their dates.  Of course, this gift doesn’t really work well if your son or daugh­ter already put on the “fresh­man 40” and has a real beer belly.

Happy Hol­i­days and happy shopping.

Posted in: Holiday Shopping Tips

1 Comment

  1. Marsha Morel

    Boy, oh boy, how times have changed .… you use to ask me for gift giv­ing ideas, now you have a com­plete staff :-)

    I know for a fact that Bri­anna would love the Pee­ing Santa cock­tail dispenser.

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