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Headline From 2036: Banks Say ‘Drop Dead’ To White House

Date­line April 29, 2036

At sep­a­rate news con­fer­ences Demo­c­ra­tic and Repub­li­can lead­ers accused each other of polit­i­cal oppor­tunism after Con­gress again failed to raise the debt ceil­ing and banks refused the President’s request to fund a gov­ern­ment bailout.

As a result, the fed­eral gov­ern­ment shut­down that began in 2011 will con­tinue for another year.

US House Budget Committee chairman Paul Ryan, ...

Fed future for Ryan?

Fed­eral Amer­i­can Reserve Bank Chair­man Paul Ryan stated ”It isn’t fair that the pres­i­dent is ask­ing banks to pay taxes. If we pay taxes this year, he will just come back next year for another hand­out. The cycle has to be bro­ken. I used to be one of those irre­spon­si­ble tax and spend offi­cials and I know how things work in Wash­ing­ton. If we give in now to pay­ing taxes there is no telling where this will end up.”

Chair­man Ryan’s com­ments were cir­cu­lated on the House floor just before today’s crit­i­cal vote.

Ever since the mega bank Amer­i­can National acquired the Fed­eral Reserve Bank­ing sys­tem the gov­ern­ment has been unable to col­lect tax rev­enue with­out Chair­man Ryan’s help.

Income tax

Sticky issue of taxes

The Pres­i­dent responded to Ryan’s crit­i­cism by point­ing out that because cor­po­rate taxes were elim­i­nated and per­sonal income tax rates are only 0.001% for any­one earn­ing more than $250,000 per year the gov­ern­ment hasn’t been able to bal­ance the bud­get. ”Since the last tax reduc­tion the gov­ern­ment has been forced to live off of park­ing fees at the national parks. It just isn’t enough to fund essen­tial ser­vices and invest in the future.”

It didn’t take long before Eco­nom­ics Nobel Prize Lau­re­ate Glenn Beck shot back at the Pres­i­dent. ”We need to take back our coun­try from the lib­eral elites. All they want to do is take from you and me and give it to the poor. We can’t let Marx­ists run this coun­try anymore.”

Beck’s rival, Trea­sury Sec­re­tary Paul Krug­man, wor­ried that the gov­ern­ment might have no choice but to per­ma­nently shut down. “The gov­ern­ment has been on the ropes ever since we adopted the gold stan­dard and closed the Fed­eral Reserve. I warned every­one that this would hap­pen but no one lis­tened to me. The Republican’s even made fun of me. But, facts are facts. With gold at $18,829 per ounce we can’t afford to buy the cur­rency needed to run gov­ern­ment anymore.”

Long time TV com­men­ta­tor Sean Han­nity inter­rupted his long run­ning cable news show and devoted an entire 5 min­utes to an in-depth exam­i­na­tion of the issue. ”Let not your hearts be trou­bled. The only thing per­ma­nently shut­ting down is Krug­man — he’s even older than me, and I am so old I have trou­ble think­ing straight. I say gov­ern­ment can be deliv­ered by the pri­vate sec­tor cheaper and more effec­tively than through the pub­lic sec­tor. Peo­ple just need to trust the pri­vate sec­tor and free mar­kets to take care of them and every­thing will be OK. Look at me, I have been taken care of all my life and I am doing just fine.”

In sep­a­rate eco­nomic news, the Pay Czar deliv­ered a new report crit­i­ciz­ing the com­pen­sa­tion of pub­lic sec­tor employ­ees includ­ing school teach­ers, fire fight­ers and san­i­ta­tion work­ers as being exces­sive. ”When school teach­ers earn more than their students…well that just isn’t right. After all, who works for whom?”

The Pay Czar was espe­cially dis­parag­ing of work­ers at the Depart­ment of Motor Vehi­cles. ”Those work­ers don’t deserve to be paid. I had to get my license renewed and I know — no one wants to pay for the DMV. If we could do it over again, why would there be a DMV at all?”

See the orig­i­nal ver­sion of this post at Forbes.com.

Posted in: economy, Finance, Fiscal Policy, Forbes, Headlines From The Future, Monetary Policy, Paul Krugman, Public Policy

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